


Give a Bot a Hammer

by AnonEhouse



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bot Feels, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Humor, Protective Bots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-04
Updated: 2015-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-21 04:05:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3676752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>DUM-E is worthy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Give a Bot a Hammer

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this Avengerkink prompt [Dummy wields Mjölnir](http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/16524.html?thread=36312972#t36312972%22)

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

"Clean up this place, Dummy," Tony said before he left the lab. "It's a mess!"

DUM-E picked up a cleaning rag, or possibly one of Daddy's shirts, it wasn't DUM-E's place to judge. It was his place to make Daddy happy, and Daddy wanted the lab cleaned. DUM-E wiped at a suspicious spot on the floor. One at a time he picked up several nearly empty glass and plastic bottles after analyzing the remaining volatile vapors as ethanol, and unlikely to cause an explosion when placed in the recycling bin. Daddy did not like explosions that he had not caused himself. DUM-E carefully placed the bottles in the bin, and twirled happily on the successful completion of his mission. Daddy would be proud of him.

DUM-E found metal scraps near the machining rigs. Some of them were too large to fit into the scrap metal bin. DUM-E pondered this problem. He knew Daddy hit metal with hammers until it was the shape he wanted. So all DUM-E needed was a hammer. He twirled to look around the lab, but the hammers were all locked in cabinets and DUM-E was forbidden to open them ever since the time he accidentally... well, it was really U's fault, but U let DUM-E take the blame. DUM-E kept looking, and chirped happily when he found a big hammer lying on the floor. It shouldn't be there, anyway, so DUM-E had a perfect right to pick it up. He judged the distance and angle, then bent down to clasp the handle of the hammer tightly.

The hammer didn't move. DUM-E let out a disgruntled chirp. It was DUM-E's duty to clean the lab. The hammer should understand that. DUM-E needed it. DUM-E tugged again.

There was a sudden electromagnetic disturbance. DUM-E shrieked, but he stubbornly held onto the hammer, which was now rising in his claw. DUM-E spun around, waving the hammer, nervously remembering electrical voltage irregularities when he was new and his circuitry not fully hardened. DUM-E liked the steady electrical impulses of his battery, but not the wild stuff. That made him stumble around, the way too much ethanol did Daddy. It was all right for Daddy, but DUM-E didn't have two legs.

The wild electricity ebbed and vanished. DUM-E turned around to inspect the lab for damage. Everything looked the same... wait... DUM-E moved closer to a shiny, reflective surface. Perhaps his optics needed cleaning. DUM-E was ... expanded. Taller. Wider. And he was now all red and gold metal. And he had a piece of cloth on his back, also red and gold. 

DUM-E waved the hammer and considered the situation. Red and Gold. Daddy liked red and gold. Maybe this was an upgrade, a reward for being a good bot. DUM-E chirped happily and went over to the scrap metal. The hammer smashed very well.

DUM-E experimented and found that if he spun the hammer at first it blew all the scrap paper into a corner and then it made DUM-E FLY! DUM-E wasn't sure he liked this, but it DID give him a good view. DUM-E chirped to U to tell him to put the metal in the scrap metal bin, and put the paper in the 'Maybe Daddy Needs This' basket. U argued that Daddy had told DUM-E to clean up, but DUM-E argued back that he only had one hand, and that was holding the hammer. U suggested DUM-E let go of the hammer. DUM-E suggested U remember what happened to the Shelby when Iron Man fell on it. The hammer was the only thing holding DUM-E up.

U agreed to clean up.

After a few minutes DUM-E figured out that if he spun the hammer more slowly he would gradually get lower. When he touched down on the cement again, U came over and chirped at him, asking about the upgrade. DUM-E said the hammer did it, with excess electromagnetism. U thought that sounded dangerous, and said he was glad he hadn't been upgraded, but DUM-E thought U was just jealous. DUM-E was very shiny now, and his cape flapped beautifully.

DUM-E twirled, admiring his cape, while U sulked in a corner and pretended to dust Daddy's desk. Then the lights changed to flashing red and alarms whooped. DUM-E and U shrieked and hid in a corner, hoping they weren't going to be dumped into the ocean again. The ocean was terrible and scary and hurt.

The wall crashed open, and a robot walked in. No. It was giving off heat equivalent to a human's body temperature. It was a person in a metal suit. DUM-E chirped inquisitively. Was this a new suit of Daddy's? It was dull black, and had a green cape. Not as nice as DUM-E's red and gold cape. Over their private net, JARVIS told DUM-E and U that this was not Daddy. It was a bad man come to steal Daddy's inventions. JARVIS told them to try to slow the bad man down while the Avengers returned from fighting somewhere else. JARVIS didn't sound as though he expected much from them.

DUM-E was insulted. He was a good bot! He completed many of his assigned tasks successfully! He waved the hammer around and chirped angrily at the man in the ugly armor.

"Doom does not fear you, you pathetic machine! My Doombots are far superior!"

U was angry now, too. He and DUM-E might have their differences, but they were brother bots, and no one put DUM-E in the corner while U was around. U picked up DUM-E's favorite fire extinguisher and waved it at Doom. Doom laughed. U shot foam at Doom. Doom snarled something in a language the bots didn't understand and waved his hands. U was flung backwards, shrieking and squirting fire foam everywhere, while Doom laughed.

Now DUM-E was furious. The hammer was good at smashing metal. DUM-E aimed it at Doom's ugly armored chest and threw it. The hammer smashed into Doom and pinned him to the cement floor, thrashing just like the time with the cabinet when it fell on U. DUM-E considered Doom, and the hammer, and then went to help U get back upright.

There was a lot of foam. DUM-E and U got cleaning rags and worked, while Doom lay there and said what were probably bad things in a language they didn't understand. 

 

"I do not understand why Mjölnir has not responded to my call."

The bots perked up as JARVIS relayed the sound from the Avengers communal floor. That was Thor, one of the Avengers Daddy played with. They didn't quite have a grasp on 'fighting', but working cooperatively, and playing, that they understood. If Thor had returned, Daddy should be back soon. They had tried very hard to clean up the lab and hoped having Doom lying in the middle of it wouldn't count as a mess. U had dropped a towel over Doom's head, which didn't do a very good job of hiding him, but it did muffle his noise a little.

"It'll turn up," the Captain said. "It always does."

"Where did you last see it?" Bruce asked. He sounded tired, which meant he'd probably been the Hulk. The bots liked the Hulk, he had helped Daddy.

"Perhaps... in the Man of Iron's work place. He had asked to study it."

"Well, let's go see," Daddy said. "While Natasha and Clint are keeping Fury busy, we can find it before he decides to try his luck at picking it up."

"No one unworthy can handle Mjölnir!" Thor said.

The voices were closer. DUM-E tugged the towel further over Doom's head. U chirped and stood a little behind DUM-E. As usual, letting DUM-E take the fall. DUM-E straightened up and twirled until his cape fell nicely. 

The lab doors opened and Daddy came in, followed by Bruce, Thor and the Captain. 

"DUMMY!" Daddy exclaimed.

"Mjölnir!" Thor exclaimed, stretching out his hand. The hammer rose, hummed and flew back to his hand.

"DOOM!" the Captain exclaimed as Doom ripped the towel off his head and got to his feet. The Captain threw his shield and hit Doom in the helmet. Doom made a noise like a really big bell, and fell flat on his face and lay there, twitching.

"Huh," Bruce said, looking around the lab. 

DUM-E chirped excitedly and spun, showing off his shiny new red and gold, and his cape. U sulked a little. Daddy came up and petted both of them on their claws. "Good boys. Such good boys."

DUM-E was very happy. Daddy hadn't even mentioned the greasy spot where Doom had been lying.


End file.
